Possibly one of the more awkward conversations I have had to participate in.

Chris writes "AB, just call me, easier to explain. My work number is 0407....."

So, annoyed that he demands I call him instead of him just calling me, I dial his digits, with what can only be described as "a bit of a 'tude".

"Hello? Hello? Nup, can't hear you..... wait.......nup. You'll have to leave a message".

WORST. VOICEMAIL MESSAGE. EVER.

So I tell him what I think in the message I leave, "That is shite. No way I am calling you again now. Shittest message ever. Not funny, just shite. You've done your dash Chris. That's the last time I call you".

Of course, to me and Chris, who I have known since I was 16, this would be par for the course message leaving. I mean, those messages are not funny. They are definitely not original. All they are, is in fact, annoying.

I email him again instead, "You're message is stupid and I will not call you again".
He writes "Aw come on AB you sourpuss. I'm free now, call me again."

I call again. Voicemail. No way. I hang up. Email again "You can call me from now on"

My phone rings. Our conversation goes like this:
Me: Hello.
Him: What do you mean my message is shit? This is my work phone.
Me: You know that stupid "hello? hello?" business. STUPID (like I said, I had an attitude)
Him: What are you talking about?
Me: What?
Him: What?
Me: Huh?
Him: What are you talking about?
Me: Well at least I have your new number.
Him: Its not new.
Me: Yes it is .... 0407 etc.
Him: No, my number is 0408...
Me: That's not what you sent in your email.
Him: HA.
Me: What?
Him: I gave you the wrong number. You dialled the wrong number.

Right then, my land line rings - the same phone that I had minutes earlier dialled 0407 from and left a message on basically saying "you are shit" with.

"Hello?"
"Ahhh yeah. I got two missed calls from this number....."
"Yeah, that was me. Sorry. I thought you were my friend."
"You left a message"
"Yeah. Like I said I thought you were my friend. Sorry. Sorry. I really do apologise."
"OK."
"Bye?"
Click.

Yeah. I basically called him shit. It was recorded. I should not have really expected the usual chit chat. Oh well. I still think his message was indeed, shit.

Wisdom of Bjork

Lately, I find myself, gazing at stars
Hearing guitars
Like someone in love

Lately I seem to walk as if I had wings
Bump into things
Like someone in love

Sometimes the things I do astound me - mostly whenever you're around me.

(insert gutteral gurgling sound here).

Oh Bjork. I know what you mean......(at least I think they are the lyrics.)