Shirley You Can't Be Serious?

Last night I fell asleep while playing "Shirley Bassey Love Songs". Instead of having lovely dreams about love and romance or intrigue and espionage (as would be the theme of many a Bassey song) the impact of the Shirley was much more subtle.
In every conversation I was a part of in my dreaming state last night, I found I could only communicate in a Shirley Bassey belt.

I may just try it in the daylight - I mean, that woman knows how to pronounce a T and a D and a little bit of vibrato never hurt anyone right?

Karma

"Hey how are you?"

"well, thanks, how are you?"

{Insert sneeze here}

"Sick." she pulls a tissue from somewhere under her bra strap, blows her nose and tucks the tissue into her bra again. "What can I get for you?"

At that moment I should have said "nothing. You can get me nothing. Your healthy co-worker over there though, well he can make me a toasted chicken cheese and avocado sandwich thanks."
But I didn't. I placed my order with her. And she, being the diligent sandwich maker she was, made the sandwich. She stopped to sniff, and then put the sandwich in the press.

"Thats $8.50".

Wow. An expensive sandwich. The avocado cost extra and the toasting cost extra, I wonder if she also charged me for the terrible bout of illness I will surely suffer within the next few days.

As she hands me over my germ ridden lunch, I say "Thanks, hope you feel better."

She sniffs once more, "Thanks. I think I will go home now."

Damn. If only I had not pushed the little old lady out of the way to get my lunch first.....

Bloody karma!

Its getting better all the time...

On the weekend I am going to the Christening of the son of an old school friend of mine.

I am really looking forward to sharing the day with him and his wife and I have kept in relatively good touch with Chris, although mainly by email. I am a little nervous though, as I imagine two of the guests will be my ex-best friend who I used to think I was in love with, and the girl he knocked up when we were possibly embarking on the beginnings of a relationship.
This was years and years ago now, there have been a lot of tears, some angry episodes, heated discussions and avoidance's since, but its been a while since I have seen them. They have had a son, broken up, gotten back together, broken up, gotten engaged, planned a wedding, cancelled a wedding, broken up and gotten back together in that time...
If you had of asked me five years ago would I still want to be with him, the answer would have been a stupid yes. Nothing could be further from the truth now.
I was devastated for such a long time by it when it all happened, and I know people have gone through a lot worse, but I really felt like I would never find anyone remotely like him.
I hope that's true. I never want to find anyone remotely like him. And I could not be better for having gone through it all. As a result of my heart being broken, I vowed to just "go for it" and found myself singing, travelling, improvising, laughing, dancing and being HAPPY. All of this AND my heart has fluttered again....good good times indeed.
However, like any female, I have begun to get a little nervy at the thought of seeing the two of them again - I asked a mutual friend ".....how does she look?" (Like ANY female!) My friend replied "Oh you have NOTHING to worry about. She's packed it on." (Like ANY good friend).

Its incredibly shallow of me I know and I hope one day to grow out of this, but I'm now looking forward to seeing her.

Is that all there is????

Its over. All that anticipation, preparation, excitation....and now? Nothing.

The Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2008 has been and gone.

In 2006, a little show called Scrabble Unscripted went down to Melbourne for 6 shows only. We were so wide eyed and full of wonder. We partied til 5am EVERY morning and flyered our hearts out and finished our week knowing we would be back but that the next time we would stick out the entire month.

In 2007, we came back. It was a hard slog. The daily flyering, the nightly parties, the nervousness, the fledgling romance....a pretty overwhelming month - so tiring but so completely rewarding. I have some of my most favourite memories from that month. Rehearsing dance moves for Flashdance, singing to a room bursting with people dancing on tables, riding a Ferris wheel with a few hundred people cheering me on, getting our first 4 star review, being kissed by my festival crush and then walking into a telegraph pole..... bliss.

And now, 2008, its all over for another year. We worked really hard this year - I did 3 different shows totally 30 performances. There were great nights, good nights and nights I have wiped clean from my mind....so many friendly faces I was happy to see again, new friendly faces I look forward to seeing again and so many new memories that make me instantly smile, giggle and even a little teary. Ahhh, my Melbourne love affair continues.....bring on 2009.

Things that make me go huh?

I normally work in maintenance depots. These are usually demountable style buildings in the middles of yards filled with trucks, aggregrates, dirty men in dirty work clobber. You know, maintenance depots.

Today however, I am working out of head office in the City. So this is a more corporate environment, there is a dress code, people don't seem to hold meetings around the smoko bin, and there is considerably less swearing.

What should disturb me then? Here where the seats are not covered in unidentified stains, that given I work in the sewer industry, could actually be excrement.
Well, what I find disturbing is the massive "how to wash your hands" posters in all the bathrooms.
Seriously.
1) Using soap dispenser, place a small amount of soap on your hands.
2) Turn water on and lather soap into your hands.
3) Rub hands together to remove dirt and germs.
4) Rinse, from fingertips to wrist, the soap from your hands.
5) Turn water off.
6) Using a hand toll from hand towel dispenser, dry hands.
7) Dispose soiled towel in bin.

What is the world coming to?????

Alexander Graham Bell, I salute you!

My 3 yr old nephew Jackson called me last night.
It was pretty much the best phone call I have ever had in my life. We talk on the phone quite a bit, but this was the first time he has requested to call me.
He got a new car.
Its silver and very fast.

I reckon it sounded pretty cool myself.

So thank you, Mr Bell.

Note to self:

If and when I start to feel all whingey and whiney and woe is me, remember how I feel right now....pretty bloody happy.

Why?

Happy weekends away, The Supper Inn, Spaghetti Bolognaise, Rare collectables still in their original "touch me" packaging, The Mighty Boosh, Tanqueray, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, fine dining and great red wine (followed by superb dessert wine) and guilt-free extra serves of Belgian Chocolate Sauce.

Thats why.

News Flash?

Is it just me, or is Billy Elliot just a remake of Flashdance?

I mean, the audition scenes are almost identical, and sure Alex was a Welder and Billy was the son of a Miner and well, Alex was a stripper of sorts and well, Billy a school kid - but come on!!!

COME ON!!!!!

And the (heart) beat goes on....

OK, so I am still alive.

I went to the Doctors last week to check out the weird heart/tingles/neck pain that has steadily continued though more neck and arm pain than heart nowadays. Of course, just to be safe, I was sent for an ECG which is where they stick all the things on your chest and check your heart out.

Anyway, not having had one before I was expecting to have to go shirt off, but when I commented on the fact that "I should have worn my best bra" the woman in charge politely said I would be losing that too.

So, standing topless and having the likes of electrodes strapped to my torso was not exactly the way I imagined Valentines Day this year - but I did get a bit of a feeling up when my breast was lifted up (without warning or consultation) so a sensor could be placed there. Yes, the joy of the ample bosom.

Of course it should have been a quick procedure, but instead, as I was meant to be having the sensors removed the woman noticed something was not right, "Oh, my left is your right.... sorry I will have to start again" ... and the boob is touched yet again without warning.

Finally she has it sorted its, underway and then its over, but not before her daughters engagement party photos are presented to me and explained in full "Roses were just too pricey this close to Valentines Day", while I am still topless, pretending to be cool about it, waiting for the sticky spots to be removed.

The following day was less eventful, neck x-rays. Of course I still had to go topless, but they were nice enough to give me one of those tissue-like robes to wear.

I should find out what the hell is wrong with me tomorrow.

All that aside however, I was made incredibly happier by a wonderful weekend complete with an unexpected visit, a kinda swanky hotel stay, a joyous get together with dazzling city views, a smooch or two, a lovely wedding sneek-peek, brunches, coffees, gossips and beers.

A good weekend for sure.

I know its Valentines Day, but this is ridiculous!!

Love. A welling in the chest. Heart skips a beat. Butterflies in your belly....Tingly sensations all over.

OR

The first signs of a heart attack.

Just to be sure, I am off to the doctors to rule it out.

Seriously.

Like am I destined to be a spazz all my life?

Example: I used to think I could see peoples auras. Really. I did. But then, and this is honest to goodness truth, I had my eyes tested and it turns out it wasn't peoples auras, it was just that everything was just a little blurry.

Also, I once had to pretend - for 30 days - that I was deaf in my right ear on a Contiki tour because I made the mistake of ignoring someones conversation and then used the excuse that I was deaf in one ear and so didn't know that they were talking to me. Too late did I notice the hearing aid of the guy sitting next to me.... that was one looooong month.

So, since the weird pain in my chest and the ever so slight tingly feeling in my arm has not gone away, I shall rule out anything serious.... after all, I could just be lifting too heavy weights perhaps. I mean, I read about a guy today, 570kgs - now how come he doesn't have a weird pain in his chest huh?????

HUH???

2 weeks and 6 days

or

20 days

or

480 hours

or

28800 minutes

or

1728000 seconds
oh no I mean 1727999 seconds
1727998
no 1727997
um 1727996
nope 1727995...
you get the picture.

I'm feeling a little:

alert, anticipative, anxious, awaiting, breathless, eager, hopeful, hoping, in suspense, looking for, on edge, on tenterhooks, prepared, raring, ready, vigilant, waiting, waiting on, watchful

well, at least thats what the thesaurus tells me. Hmmm.

In Celebration of:

* Fresh bread rolls for lunch. Thank you Mr Bakery-Man (or Woman) for your baked goodness, all crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside.

* Cabaret shows performed by friends which rock the audience and impress my parents.

* New Kids On The Block reforming perhaps. NO MORE GAMES BOYS!

* Men who have been pretentious since 1998. Ain't no changing those leopards spots.

* Nephews who turn 3.

* Co-workers lending you awesome CD's. (that you wouldn't burn because its wrong.)

* Scary nightmares that make you wake up and realise you are safe and warm and happy in bed.

Hip Hip Hooooooray!!!!!!

Let's Hear it for the Boy!!

Susie and I were witness to something very very very special the other night. We were lucky enough to be ticket holders for a Sufjan Stevens gig. Concert. Show. Celebration. Experience. Thing.

I have been a part of many a special musical moment - Jeff Buckley playing at the Coogee Bay Hotel to around 500 people, Rufus Wainwright playing acoustic to 100 people at the Seymour Centre, Michael Franti hugging an entire audience one by one at Byron Bay, MC Hammer at the Entertainment Centre - really really special moments in music....but this was something else.

Sufjan Stevens makes you smile. Laugh. Hug. Weep. Love. Mourn. The whole kit and caboodle ... and he can hula a hoop like no other man I've ever seen.

If I could find more words I would use them to just continue to rave and rave and rave! Alas, words fail me. All I can really say is that the world is a much more beautiful place with Sufjan in it.

So come on and hear the Illinoise!

Amanda went to the mosh pit (and didn't even get a lousy T-Shirt)

But boy, do I have some bruises.

Last night, I, along with my mate Heather, braved the teenagers and went to the Kings Of Leon concert. My god were they good. Just brilliant. They have all the makings of a really massive rock band, and, thankfully, none of the stadium arena fan fare. Just four guys, guitars and drums and a heaving room of happy punters.
We found ourselves, with relative ease, pretty close to the front and in the middle. There was almost a view to the stage - apart from the girl in front of me who insisted on filming the entire show on her phone which meant that really, she missed the entire concert.
There was a lovely older guy (had to have been 30 at least) who allowed Heather and I to slip in the wee space in front of him, of course he then thought this allowed him to feel us up under the guise of "can you see? Are you getting hit? Here let me just touch your boob" ... you know that kind of thing. Maybe not so lovely?

All in all, I have to say, the live, moshy experience is an unparalleled mix of joy and pain. Its fun and crazy and hot and stuffy, smelly and sweaty and electric and adrenalised. There will come a day that I will be punched I am sure ("Yeah well the sign says no smoking, so please extinguish it or I will be forced to report you to those guards over there young man") or maybe throw one myself ("what part of stop whipping my face with your ponytail do you not get lady?") but in the meantime, while I still have at least a little kick left, I will still try and "get to the front" and rock out.

I have one complaint though, I understand they have two types of T-Shirts at merchandise counters that usually go like this "MENS: S M L XL XXL" and "GIRLS: 8 10 12" .... Well I am a woman. WOMAN. I am not a girl and I am certainly not a man. But sometimes, just sometimes, I want to buy a T-Shirt. SO WHY WON'T ANYONE LET ME??????

Yeah, rock n roll!

Thank God I'm Here.

I was nearly killed in the early hours of this morning.

In a weird artwork-over-bed accident, my sleep was well and truly interrupted and I narrowly escaped serious harm. I narrowly escaped potential cuts and bruises. Somewhere between a wee fright and death. That is what I narrowly escaped.

You can imagine then, the crazy things that I have been thinking about. What if I had not have had a nightmare about spiders with huge extendable legs and so had not woken just in time to sit up and catch the large wooden frame that fell off the wall? I think I will buy some new pyjama's and clean my bedroom just in case. In an emergency, no one has time to clean. Or put on something flattering.

And now that I have looked death (well, possible cuts and bruises) in the face, I feel the need to make every moment count. Of course spending my time at work and posting blogs is not necessarily reflective of the "making it count" mentality but you know, maybe I will buy that airfare and ticket to Ireland for the Electric Picnic? And maybe, just maybe, my epiphany will be realised by many. Or at least two.

Its a slow release spontaneity, but its there.

Epiphany.

I've had one. And it felt good.

PC or not PC.... was there even a question?

I will not let them spoil my day.
I will not let them spoil my day.
I will not let them spoil my day.
I will not let them spoil my day.
I will not let them spoil my day.
I will not let them spoil my day.
I will not let them spoil my day.
I will not let them spoil my day.
I will not let them spoil my day.
I will not let them spoil my day.

Count to 10. Breathe......

So after asking the alpha males of my office to tone down the blatantly slanderous remarks referring to any religion that failed to "just accept that Christmas is our culture and they should just shut up about it already" (yes, that's verbatim folks), I was fairly confident that I had voiced my objections to any particularly racial, discriminating or marginalising opinions.

I thought.

I am left wondering then, at what point MY MANAGER thought I might enjoy some rather distasteful jokes? I am talking REALLY offensive. Like even David Brent would have known to keep these ones to himself.

And when my reaction was to say that I thought he was both inappropriate and unfunny, why then did he need to keep telling the jokes to others to see what they thought?

Have I stumbled into the '70's by accident?

Still, tis the last day of work before some fun happy times with family and friends and countdowns to good good times indeed. So I will not let them spoil my day.

Happy happy festive season everyone - and here's to a cracker 2008!!!

The Tonne.

This is exciting. This is my 100th post.
I figured I should make it special, but then realised I should have something to say in that case... and I don't really have anything to say. So then I thought maybe I should wait until I had something to say before I went ahead and wasted this momentous occasion by just writing a lot of words.
But that would not be like me at all.
So here it is. The century. The big 1 0 0.

Quite the anti climax really.

On a brighter note however, I am feeling incredibly blessed and lucky and somewhat happy right now. I mean, a lot of people get a little stressed this time of year, even depressed, I have in the past felt that way. This year however, I am looking around thinking to myself, Ms Buckley, take note - you have a wonderful group of friends, a fantastic family and you have been lucky enough to have some amazing heart flutterings this year.... smile and enjoy young lady..... and so, I am.

Merry Christmas everyone.... take care and have fun!!! Xx

Clock watching....

I am being a very naughty employee today.
Only working a half day as it is, that should mean I knuckle down, get stuck into it, tick things off the list.
I have had 6 cups of tea. 6. Its 1030am. That's mental. 2 biscuits (standard), made 2 personal calls, sent 4 text messages, checked 3 bank accounts, read 3 blogs, commented on 2 blogs, sent 14 emails, chatted, daydreamed and started planning for the arrival of my dear friend Caomhan. Yay.
With only half an hour left in the office for the day, surely I cannot start on a project now....I wonder what bargains are on Amazon today?