Monday, July 31, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Things you don't want to hear....
Actually, that title should read:
"Things you don't want to hear said about you" or more specifically, "Things I don't want to hear said about me"....or if its possible "Things not to say at my funeral"
- "She was larger than life." This is a euphemism for something else surely, and its usually used when one has died, choking on a sandwich or similar. I really do not like that phrase at all.
- "She gave it her all" or "She always did things to the best of her ability" - again, a euphemism for "she was crap but tried". Not comforting words.
- "I think I still have a CD/DVD/book of hers" - Give it back. I am still alive.
"Things you don't want to hear said about you" or more specifically, "Things I don't want to hear said about me"....or if its possible "Things not to say at my funeral"
- "She was larger than life." This is a euphemism for something else surely, and its usually used when one has died, choking on a sandwich or similar. I really do not like that phrase at all.
- "She gave it her all" or "She always did things to the best of her ability" - again, a euphemism for "she was crap but tried". Not comforting words.
- "I think I still have a CD/DVD/book of hers" - Give it back. I am still alive.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Dear Julia - I am sorry.
I am not normally a competitive woman. That said, if I am going to be competitive, it would usually be over something that I would have a pretty darn good chance in winning. If by chance it was a competition with one particular being, chances are that being would be a person that I have met or am realistically competing against.
Julia Davis does not know me. Nor does she know that I even have a grudge with her. Well, its not a grudge really, its just that she is the girlfriend of the man I love. Well, when I say love, I mean, you know, the kind of love you have for a man you have never met but have seen on the tele and think he is a bit of alright.
Julia Davis is the girlfriend of Julian Barratt, from The Mighty Boosh. My first reaction (because of course one does have a reaction upon hearing the news that some guy they are never likely to meet is dating a woman they are never likely to meet and so never really having any impact upon their life at all) was to think that surely a couple who share the same shortened name ie. Jules, would never last. Then I had to question what it was he could possibly see in her.... and then well, I found out.
Wanting to know who had won the affection of the man that I would never marry (or even meet) I did a google search (what? We ALL do it) and was directed to the television series Nighty Night. My questions were answered.
Julia Davis is goddamn hilarious. And a bit of a comic genius. If we had of met under different circumstances (well, if we had even met)I am sure we would have been friends. I feel I may even owe her an apology, as quite frankly, I was well out of order to doubt that Julian Barratt could possibly be with anyone else.
So let me take this opportunity to apologise - I am sorry Julia. In fact, without sounding too schmaltzy, you are my hero. When I grow up I want to be just like you. Nighty Night is up there in my list of all-time funniest and cleverest things to be entertained by. You rock. I am sorry. I hope you and Julian are very happy together.
Mea Culpa
Amanda
Julia Davis does not know me. Nor does she know that I even have a grudge with her. Well, its not a grudge really, its just that she is the girlfriend of the man I love. Well, when I say love, I mean, you know, the kind of love you have for a man you have never met but have seen on the tele and think he is a bit of alright.
Julia Davis is the girlfriend of Julian Barratt, from The Mighty Boosh. My first reaction (because of course one does have a reaction upon hearing the news that some guy they are never likely to meet is dating a woman they are never likely to meet and so never really having any impact upon their life at all) was to think that surely a couple who share the same shortened name ie. Jules, would never last. Then I had to question what it was he could possibly see in her.... and then well, I found out.
Wanting to know who had won the affection of the man that I would never marry (or even meet) I did a google search (what? We ALL do it) and was directed to the television series Nighty Night. My questions were answered.
Julia Davis is goddamn hilarious. And a bit of a comic genius. If we had of met under different circumstances (well, if we had even met)I am sure we would have been friends. I feel I may even owe her an apology, as quite frankly, I was well out of order to doubt that Julian Barratt could possibly be with anyone else.
So let me take this opportunity to apologise - I am sorry Julia. In fact, without sounding too schmaltzy, you are my hero. When I grow up I want to be just like you. Nighty Night is up there in my list of all-time funniest and cleverest things to be entertained by. You rock. I am sorry. I hope you and Julian are very happy together.
Mea Culpa
Amanda
Whats the frequency Kenneth?
So I am working in a new office...one that I am not usually accustomed to and one where I have had to abdicate my power over the office radio.
As the newcomer, I have no say as to the frequency and I must say, I am unhappy.
My checkered employment history (18 jobs in total - some lasting only a few hours) has seen me quit jobs for many a petty reason, choice of radio station being one of them.
As I am a guest in this current office, I am hesistant to cause a fuss... at present I have taken to bringing in my iPod or CD's to play on my computer, making it obvious that I object to Huey Lewis and his News.
This glitch aside, I am sure given my powers of purchasing in said office, that when I switch their standard tea to Irish Breakfast, my smile will be a lot less forced.
Meanwhile, in other areas of my life, I am being kept awake at night by Luke and his crazy girlfriend (name withheld due to not knowing it) who live across the street and have a nightly argument where it seems Luke is obviously ruining his girlfriends life by breathing or something equally as sinister, forcing her to run into the street screaming "Luke....why are you doing this to me????"
This forces me to ask "Luke? Why are you doing this to ME??????"
Long live rock'n'roll.
As the newcomer, I have no say as to the frequency and I must say, I am unhappy.
My checkered employment history (18 jobs in total - some lasting only a few hours) has seen me quit jobs for many a petty reason, choice of radio station being one of them.
As I am a guest in this current office, I am hesistant to cause a fuss... at present I have taken to bringing in my iPod or CD's to play on my computer, making it obvious that I object to Huey Lewis and his News.
This glitch aside, I am sure given my powers of purchasing in said office, that when I switch their standard tea to Irish Breakfast, my smile will be a lot less forced.
Meanwhile, in other areas of my life, I am being kept awake at night by Luke and his crazy girlfriend (name withheld due to not knowing it) who live across the street and have a nightly argument where it seems Luke is obviously ruining his girlfriends life by breathing or something equally as sinister, forcing her to run into the street screaming "Luke....why are you doing this to me????"
This forces me to ask "Luke? Why are you doing this to ME??????"
Long live rock'n'roll.
Friday, July 14, 2006
The Daily Chent
My friend Lee Rainbow invented a word - chent. It is a verb meaning to chat and vent at the same time.
Here is my chent today:
1) I found another grey hair today. This scares me as I colour my hair, in fact I have not had my natural hair colour since 2001 when I shaved all the coloured hair off, and that only lasted until my hair was long enough to colour again....my point? That I could be walking around with a full head of grey hair and don't even know it!
2) I had to prove to a work colleague today that the word "mischievious" does not actually exist and that he has been mispronouncing "mischievous" (like SO many others) his entire life. Mrs Lawler had zero tolerance for that mispronunciation, a lesson at age 14 I would never forget.
Thank you Mrs Lawler.
3) In my workplace I have to walk through a MALE change room to get to the rest of the office - surely that doesn't sound so bad. Well, considering the fact that most of the 60 men I work with are my fathers age, I would have to say that walking in on the daily shower run is not an event I try to stage - indeed, I could very well be put off men for the rest of my hair-greying existence if I have yet another run-in with a shirtless colleague ....
That is my chent for today. Thanks for letting me get a few things off my chest. I feel better. I hope you do too.
Here is my chent today:
1) I found another grey hair today. This scares me as I colour my hair, in fact I have not had my natural hair colour since 2001 when I shaved all the coloured hair off, and that only lasted until my hair was long enough to colour again....my point? That I could be walking around with a full head of grey hair and don't even know it!
2) I had to prove to a work colleague today that the word "mischievious" does not actually exist and that he has been mispronouncing "mischievous" (like SO many others) his entire life. Mrs Lawler had zero tolerance for that mispronunciation, a lesson at age 14 I would never forget.
Thank you Mrs Lawler.
3) In my workplace I have to walk through a MALE change room to get to the rest of the office - surely that doesn't sound so bad. Well, considering the fact that most of the 60 men I work with are my fathers age, I would have to say that walking in on the daily shower run is not an event I try to stage - indeed, I could very well be put off men for the rest of my hair-greying existence if I have yet another run-in with a shirtless colleague ....
That is my chent for today. Thanks for letting me get a few things off my chest. I feel better. I hope you do too.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Something for everyone
I know I am probably being naive and you are all very aware that the Independant Order of Odd Fellows is a very reputable, well known organisation that do great work for the community ... I myself am not aware of this and so will resort to making fun of their name.
Then again, why can't the Odd Fellows have their own Order???? Who am I to judge?
(Though I won't stop any of you from judging.)
I saw this place down in Adelaide, BTW, whilst visiting my sister and bro-in-law and my newphew. I recommend checking Adelaide out, give it a chance, have a go.
There are lots of Lutherans there too.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Daily Affirmations
Ok, so .... the quote on todays desk calendar comes from a William Osler -
"It is much more important to know what sort of patient has a disease than what sort of disease a patient has..."
Now, I'm no Joe Science BUT hello? I am pretty sure I could not give any less of a damn whether my doctor knows that I like Jane Austen novels ... I'm wanting to know what that rash is and what I can take for it.......or is that just me? Food for thought at 7.43am.
Oh and I don't have a rash.
Its gone now.
I'm joking - I never had one.
I didn't.
Like none of you have ever had a rash.
Shut up!
"It is much more important to know what sort of patient has a disease than what sort of disease a patient has..."
Now, I'm no Joe Science BUT hello? I am pretty sure I could not give any less of a damn whether my doctor knows that I like Jane Austen novels ... I'm wanting to know what that rash is and what I can take for it.......or is that just me? Food for thought at 7.43am.
Oh and I don't have a rash.
Its gone now.
I'm joking - I never had one.
I didn't.
Like none of you have ever had a rash.
Shut up!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Nannageddon
School holidays.
Supermarkets.
Oh dear.
Today I told a child (not my own) to "get down from there" and another to "stop touching all the apples" - I have prematurely nanna'd myself.
Scarily enough, its not the first time - over the weekend, I called a young man of about 12 "charming" as he spat on the footpath.
When did I stop being cool. (lets assume collectively that there was a time when I was cool...) Its got to stop.
Warm Milo anyone?
Supermarkets.
Oh dear.
Today I told a child (not my own) to "get down from there" and another to "stop touching all the apples" - I have prematurely nanna'd myself.
Scarily enough, its not the first time - over the weekend, I called a young man of about 12 "charming" as he spat on the footpath.
When did I stop being cool. (lets assume collectively that there was a time when I was cool...) Its got to stop.
Warm Milo anyone?
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