The Man, The Mop, The Myth

We have a man at a work. Actually, we have about 60 (and only 3 women - apparently good odds for a single lady, but don't even get me started on that. Alright, well, I have started...lets just say that the average age of a male employee at my workplace is 54 and most of these men tell me on a daily basis that I had better get married soon. I am not sure why I had better, maybe I have an expiry date on the back of my head that everyone can read apart from me?) Anyway, we have this one man at work who comes in every morning at 6.50am and cleans.
I get in around 7.10am most mornings and so I witness the mans cleaning technique.
I know not his name. He knows not mine. We share not conversations or pleasant chit chat - but we do smile and he then laughs. (I think he can see the expiration date as well).
Anyway, he seems capable enough. He vacuums and at times he mops. Today, he mopped the top of the stairs. Only trouble with this is, though, is that there is carpet at the top of the stairs. Interesting. Because of the chats we do not share, I was unable to really say anything, and so, I just watched. And then smiled. To which he laughed. (maybe I permanently have something stuck in my teeth?) For some reason, I was the one that felt slightly silly, even though he just mopped the carpet. Ho hum.

Maybe its me?

I will admit, that I am not nearly as patient as I used to be. I will also admit, that with the coming of age, I have become more and more intolerant.
I am not saying I am a racist - I am increasingly INtolerant of such things - I just mean to say that things I would normally have been unaffected by have started to push my buttons.
Like conversations about butter. Or shopping. Or handcream.
Seriously. I just do not care. I have to try with all my might to stay awake when accidentally finding myself in the middle of such a conversation....try doing that without looking impolite! I have just experienced such an encounter. No doubt by days end I will have experienced a few more.
All of that said though, I find nothing wrong with a lengthy exchange simply citing Mighty Boosh quotes. Unfortunately, no one I work with knows the Boosh and those I know that have probably are sick of me banging on about them.
Here's a picture anyway.

Sigh. Sniff. Sob.

You know that scene in Bridget Jones' Diary where she is worried that she is going to die alone and not be found and henceforth will be eaten by alsatians?
Well, I worry.
Thats all I am saying.
My mother, recently, in what I am sure was meant to be the conversational equivalent of a soothing pat on the back said to me, "Well maybe there is no one out there for you...."
To put it into context, we were talking about all the things I can do and should do while I am unattached...I was positive about the risks I am able to take in life because at present, I really only have to consider myself in the consequences, and my mother added that it was important for me to have a strong hold on my life, to live fully, to take risks because nothing comes from sitting around and waiting and afterall, "maybe there is no one out there for you...."
At the time I laughed, thanked my Mother for her sageness and went on my merry way.
A week or so later I was visiting a married friend at her house and was, well, attacked by her two dogs. Granted, they are labradors not alsatians, but it got me thinking, can dogs smell singletons - you know, like the way they can apparently smell cancer?????
This kind of thinking, coupled with my inability to move on from a certain heartache of the past has been my undoing of late. At the height of my dizzying happy YESes, I have highlighted some of my worrying lows....these moments are fleeting and I remind myself quickly of all the great and amazing things I have going on and I have been and will be a part of - but you know, whats it all about ....?
You know? Do you?
I find in these moments, a cup of tea* works wonders.

*failing that, gin.

Walk like an Egyptian

I am all for advancement.
Endeavours.
Adventures.
I would like to think that if a friend of mine came to me with a plan on how they wanted to achieve a personal goal, or heck, if they were just going to undertake a crazy get rich quick scheme (because of course that would entail hilarity and hi jinx and tales to tell over beers), I would be supportive.
I know that in the future, I will probably make an announcement to my friends and family that I will be turning my back on conventional money making ventures (read: jobs) and opting for the more sporadic and reliably unreliable world of entertainment on a full time scale. And I would hope they would applaud my vision and buy me a drink (probably one of many to come seeings my days will be filled with yet another rejection from a production company, theatre director, record company etc).
What I can tell you though, is that if you ring me up and invite me for a coffee so we can catch up and you can go over a few things with me...and I say yes and it turns out that you just want to me to a) host or b) go to a party designed to make me spend money on things I do not really need all under the guise of it being fun and convenient, I will be none too happy.
The modern day pyramid. I am faced with this on a daily basis. I work with a "consultant", my friends mother is a "consultant", everyone seems to know someone who is "consulting" and who can read any situation as being a call to arms for the product of choice.
eg.
"Whats for lunch?"
"Leftovers"
"ahhhh, you know Tupperware never stains and can be put in the freezer and microwave and has a lifetime guarantee...I have this brochure...."
"...hmngh phgsno...." (mouth full of food)
One cannot apply hand cream in the office without a "this one uses lavender and is on special"....and heaven forbid I yawn..."we do a relaxation spa that really relieves stress and will help you sleep...." Maybe, just maybe, I like being tired and stressed with slightly dry skin, and maybe I like the look of old spaghetti sauce stained onto my lunch container.....
If I want something I will come to you!!!!!!!!
Now, I have to go and tell some friends, so they can tell their friends.

Good Morning Starshine!

I get up early. I mean, not like breakfast radio early, but early enough for someone who stays up late. I start work at 7am most days (7.30am on those other days when getting up is just too difficult)and it can be tough. I feel most days like I have a hangover (OK, so most days I do) even when I haven't been drinking. There is one thing however which consistently means I have a smile on my face most mornings.

Email.

There is something fantastically joyous about logging on in the morning to find what the postman has delivered overnight.

Today for instance, not only was I offered the chance to help another budding scientist make loads of money by giving him my bank details, but I was also greeted with an email from Musician no. 2. (Musician no. 2 is indeed the second musician in a line of many musicians who have made me weak at the knees, only to have chosen another woman over me....) And that people, is enough to power a happy vibe for at least two days.

The downside to this instant mood-enhancer is the morning you get to work, make your coffee, log-on and find no new messages. That is akin to having a party where no one turns up (OK so maybe not that bad, but I said akin, not "exactly like") and the day cannot reclaim that feeling of anticipation, that promise of joy that occurs as your email account is saying things like "loading...." - alas, once you see that there be no new messages, I am afraid, the early morning becomes all too much.

But that did not happen today. No sirree Bob. Because today, even after only getting 5 hours sleep, there is a smile on my face....Thank you Musician no. 2. Happy days indeed.

Dear Valued Customer

Somewhere between by first ever job as a video store attendant in 1990 and my current 18th job as an administrative officer, I have become a customer who complains. Not one of those "complains over anything" kind of complaining customers, no, not one of those, I am the other kind, who knows how I should be treated and is not afraid to speak out when an injustice has taken place. Indeed, my money is hard earnt and too easily spent, so I need the reassurance of a kindly face and a well used set of manners to make me happy. And I think its not too much to ask for.

A few months ago a group of friends and I were subject to some incredibly poor service at a well-known "beer restaurant" in Sydney where the overpriced food and beverages are looked past due to the normally fantastic atmosphere and lets face it, the more beer you drink, the less you notice the cost...right?

Unfortunately, for whatever reason, our waitress Jaz did not like us. Not only did she not like us, she told the other staff not to like us as well (we think) and so what was meant to be a great night turned into an anticlimax and left us all feeling a little dirty and a tad angry....so I complained. And although it took two months - yes two months - I received a golden ticket - a drink/meal voucher worth $100 for our troubles and well, I think I feel like I can finally forgive Jaz. I mean, she was probably an actress or a writer - maybe a singer or comedian and she was just having a tough day because for the 6th time that week she had stuffed up an important audition (or something like that). Hey, we all have bad days right? (actually, no, I am still a little angry at her.)

So I feel justified now in my complaint, and I have complained since then too. On my recent lightning tour, I was without inflight entertainment from Sydney to Singapore, and without a reading light from Singapore to London....so I have let Qantas know I was disappointed. They take up to 20 business days to deal with these things, or so their generic "we have received your complaint" email explained....I have another 7 business days to wait....fingers crossed!

In the meantime, I am not going to become a serial complainer, fear not potential waiters and waitresses, and I still like to tip when the service is good....but don't push me. I have a keyboard, and I'm not afraid to use it!