Anxiety.
I love it. The good kind anyway. Although, I suffer a lot from the bad kind, thankfully only over trivial things like velvet and having the guy next to me watch me eat. And walking up and down stairs - I fall over alot, so you know, every stairwell is a crazy adventure for me. Yesterday, I trip up the stairs in a carpark, but this made me lose my balance and fall back down the stairs....oh to be the guy who watches the CCTV footage and has seen Ms AB stumble with the grace and composure of something with very little grace and composure.
Lately though, (apart from the velvet) its all been very good anxitey. Pre-show nerves, new people syndrome (I get very nervous around groups of people and when I am meeting new people....in a good way), thinking about a possible next kiss, leaving my job for a month to perform at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, leaving it all behind for a month come August 17 to head OS again. Crazy butterflies I tells ya!
Bliss.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Do Gooder
On my drive from work today, I passed a man sat in a van vigorously rubbing his eyes. Of course, I had driven on way too far when I thought to myself, "I hope he was alright". I mean, for all I know, he was an emotional wreck and had pulled over to the side of the road to let out all his anguish and woe and the kindness of a passerby may just be the only thing that could bring sunshine into his day....or he might have just been tired.
All this went through my head and I realised that well, I had missed my chance to find out.
Of course, I could have turned back at any time, though I did do this once, and my do-gooding ways got me into a spot of bother.
A few years ago (about 10) I was driving at dusk and saw a heap of smoke coming from a house. I called Emergency right away feeling very proud of myself for raising the alarm.
As I continued on my way (I was on my way to a class) I noticed several other houses with smoke billowing out of their roofs...hmmmm, coincidence? I think not. It was winter after all and something I had failed to notice when I raised said alarm, was the chimney from which all the smoke was coming out of.
I immediately rang Emergency again and informed them of my mistake, alas, it was too late and the protocol is for all calls to be investigated. I sped away as fast as was legal as I saw the three fire engines approach.....what a dickhead was I. All I could think of was the chance that there may have been a legitimate fire somewhere else, and thanks to my so-called do-gooding, people had perished.
None had.
I checked the papers ....
But still.
So I hope Mr Man from the van that you were merely stop, reviving, surviving... and if you weren't, I am sorry for not stopping.
I will try and make it up somehow.
All this went through my head and I realised that well, I had missed my chance to find out.
Of course, I could have turned back at any time, though I did do this once, and my do-gooding ways got me into a spot of bother.
A few years ago (about 10) I was driving at dusk and saw a heap of smoke coming from a house. I called Emergency right away feeling very proud of myself for raising the alarm.
As I continued on my way (I was on my way to a class) I noticed several other houses with smoke billowing out of their roofs...hmmmm, coincidence? I think not. It was winter after all and something I had failed to notice when I raised said alarm, was the chimney from which all the smoke was coming out of.
I immediately rang Emergency again and informed them of my mistake, alas, it was too late and the protocol is for all calls to be investigated. I sped away as fast as was legal as I saw the three fire engines approach.....what a dickhead was I. All I could think of was the chance that there may have been a legitimate fire somewhere else, and thanks to my so-called do-gooding, people had perished.
None had.
I checked the papers ....
But still.
So I hope Mr Man from the van that you were merely stop, reviving, surviving... and if you weren't, I am sorry for not stopping.
I will try and make it up somehow.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
All hail the Chiefs
I went to the Kaiser Chiefs gig last night at the Forum @ Fox Studios. Its a great venue, intimate, sweaty, loud.
Although, they are also the things I can no longer tolerate about live music. Well, lets say I cannot tolerate them like I used to.
Last year, Daniel Kitson made some very strong comments regarding gigs and the things he cannot tolerate about them. I could not have agreed more vehemently with him last night.
The Chiefs play loud, sweaty music. Inciting the masses and making you punch your hands in the air. For those that know me, I am not a joiner-inner of things like that, but I do enjoy other peoples carefree jumping up and downs. That is of course, unless the person whose sweaty back my cheek is uncomfortably pressing against is a certain breed of backpacker, who keeps mistaking me for his girlfriend (who he never bothered to completely locate and keep safe from the moshings of the mosh) and would repeatedly scream into my ear "NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAA I love this one!!!!"
It was an almost violent joy on display. His poor girlfriend had no idea what was going on and all I could think of was Daniel Kitson. When you really like something, you want the other people that really like it to be like you.....and when it turns out that you have something in common with someone you would choose to stay far far away from normally, well, it sours the subject somewhat. (He says it SO much better and funnier, and uses WAY more rude words.)
Thankfully, I also shared the experience with my friend Heather. I would recommend Heather as one of my favourite gig companions.
So now, almost 24 hours later and the dull ring in my ear still present, I ask myself, what will I expect at the Electric Picnic later this year....I cannot wait to find out!
Although, they are also the things I can no longer tolerate about live music. Well, lets say I cannot tolerate them like I used to.
Last year, Daniel Kitson made some very strong comments regarding gigs and the things he cannot tolerate about them. I could not have agreed more vehemently with him last night.
The Chiefs play loud, sweaty music. Inciting the masses and making you punch your hands in the air. For those that know me, I am not a joiner-inner of things like that, but I do enjoy other peoples carefree jumping up and downs. That is of course, unless the person whose sweaty back my cheek is uncomfortably pressing against is a certain breed of backpacker, who keeps mistaking me for his girlfriend (who he never bothered to completely locate and keep safe from the moshings of the mosh) and would repeatedly scream into my ear "NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAA I love this one!!!!"
It was an almost violent joy on display. His poor girlfriend had no idea what was going on and all I could think of was Daniel Kitson. When you really like something, you want the other people that really like it to be like you.....and when it turns out that you have something in common with someone you would choose to stay far far away from normally, well, it sours the subject somewhat. (He says it SO much better and funnier, and uses WAY more rude words.)
Thankfully, I also shared the experience with my friend Heather. I would recommend Heather as one of my favourite gig companions.
So now, almost 24 hours later and the dull ring in my ear still present, I ask myself, what will I expect at the Electric Picnic later this year....I cannot wait to find out!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Dissolute and Mopey!
I received an email today from Australias No 1 Scrabble Champion, citing concerns over my blogs content, describing it as being dissolute and mopey.
To his credit he wished the universe be good to me so that I may have positive things to enthuse about....so, Edward, at the risk of seeming without morals or even wanton, I have decided to list the things that have made me happy and or enthusiastic this week.
*Being kissed on the nose by my nephews.
*Autumn and the approach of porridge season.
*The Beatles and the endless debates/discussions I can have with people about them. I love that most people will have an opinion. I LOVE when people have a strong opinion.
*Sending and receiving flirtatious text messages whilst sitting opposite my parents.
*Walking into my office and having people say "Here she is!"
*Touching Dieter Brummers six pack! (he works out)
*All my friends who helped me get over my sore neck....and helping to crack my back!
*Being a part of 5 great impro shows.
*Having a night off and spending it on the phone.
*Pfeffernuse. So fun to say and yummy to eat.
*My job and the fact that I don't know what I am doing and it gets a little harder everyday.....Learning is fun.
*The phrase "24 points of love". (Scrabble reference - thank you Ed).
*Serenading a woman at work who is getting married with "Enter Sandman".
*Susie Youssef and her endless ideas for shows and cabaret material.
*Running in a sun shower - bliss!
*When I mentioned to my manager that I had (well my blog had) been described as mopey, he made that raspberry noise and said "As if!"
It ain't much, but its a start surely.
Take that Edward.
To his credit he wished the universe be good to me so that I may have positive things to enthuse about....so, Edward, at the risk of seeming without morals or even wanton, I have decided to list the things that have made me happy and or enthusiastic this week.
*Being kissed on the nose by my nephews.
*Autumn and the approach of porridge season.
*The Beatles and the endless debates/discussions I can have with people about them. I love that most people will have an opinion. I LOVE when people have a strong opinion.
*Sending and receiving flirtatious text messages whilst sitting opposite my parents.
*Walking into my office and having people say "Here she is!"
*Touching Dieter Brummers six pack! (he works out)
*All my friends who helped me get over my sore neck....and helping to crack my back!
*Being a part of 5 great impro shows.
*Having a night off and spending it on the phone.
*Pfeffernuse. So fun to say and yummy to eat.
*My job and the fact that I don't know what I am doing and it gets a little harder everyday.....Learning is fun.
*The phrase "24 points of love". (Scrabble reference - thank you Ed).
*Serenading a woman at work who is getting married with "Enter Sandman".
*Susie Youssef and her endless ideas for shows and cabaret material.
*Running in a sun shower - bliss!
*When I mentioned to my manager that I had (well my blog had) been described as mopey, he made that raspberry noise and said "As if!"
It ain't much, but its a start surely.
Take that Edward.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Aye, there's the rub
This is what we have established:
I am tired.
I need more sleep.
Sleep will make me feel better.
Working in front of a computer all day is hurting my neck. (something to do with the amount of time I may or may not spend with the phone cradled between my ear and shoulder perhaps?)
Performing makes me a little anxious and possibly tense.
Velvet scares me and makes me uncomfortable.
Certain venues (ie. our current venue) have walls made entirely of velvet and most theatre curtains are velvet.
I get tense around velvet.
When I am tense my neck hurts more.
I sleep funny when I am tense.
When I sleep funny I wake up with a sore neck.
I cannot sleep when I have a sore neck.
When I cannot sleep I get tired.
I am tired.
Oh, a vicious cycle indeed.
So why am I still smiling? Lets just say that Rocky Raccoon's apparent lack of narrative and resolution is enough to lift my mood.
I am tired.
I need more sleep.
Sleep will make me feel better.
Working in front of a computer all day is hurting my neck. (something to do with the amount of time I may or may not spend with the phone cradled between my ear and shoulder perhaps?)
Performing makes me a little anxious and possibly tense.
Velvet scares me and makes me uncomfortable.
Certain venues (ie. our current venue) have walls made entirely of velvet and most theatre curtains are velvet.
I get tense around velvet.
When I am tense my neck hurts more.
I sleep funny when I am tense.
When I sleep funny I wake up with a sore neck.
I cannot sleep when I have a sore neck.
When I cannot sleep I get tired.
I am tired.
Oh, a vicious cycle indeed.
So why am I still smiling? Lets just say that Rocky Raccoon's apparent lack of narrative and resolution is enough to lift my mood.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
The Sleep Debt and The Goofy Smile
I am about as sleepy as I have ever been. My personal mantra of "sleep is for the weak" has become a tad too much of a mission statement and people are no longer suprised when I tell them my age. ("Really? Only 31? Wow.)
Yet, for all the sleeplessness and yawning, its never felt so lovely to be tired. Every yawn is a reminder that I have been off doing something wonderful. First it was a play run with a cast of friends and a ridiculous Italian accent, then it was farewell parties and gala nights, then my friend Caomhan.
When Caomhan is in town, life takes on a whole new attitude. We do not even have to be hanging out with each other for me to feel happy, just knowing he is in the same city brings a smile to my face. There is the obligatory amount of alcohol though, late night chats and all day celebrating (where wine and oysters are breakfast and gin is all the other meals!) ending with a bop in the local discotheque with me barefoot sending text messages under a piano. Sydney lights up when he is around!
The last month is indeed a blur. Follow Caomhans visit with Comedy Festivals, impro show after impro show, parties celebrating the success of an impro show and chatting with a handsome man till sunrise, not to mention a day job that I keep waking up for and am actually taking pride in, well, my sleep debt just keeps getting bigger.
And my goofy grin just keeps getting bigger too.
Yet, for all the sleeplessness and yawning, its never felt so lovely to be tired. Every yawn is a reminder that I have been off doing something wonderful. First it was a play run with a cast of friends and a ridiculous Italian accent, then it was farewell parties and gala nights, then my friend Caomhan.
When Caomhan is in town, life takes on a whole new attitude. We do not even have to be hanging out with each other for me to feel happy, just knowing he is in the same city brings a smile to my face. There is the obligatory amount of alcohol though, late night chats and all day celebrating (where wine and oysters are breakfast and gin is all the other meals!) ending with a bop in the local discotheque with me barefoot sending text messages under a piano. Sydney lights up when he is around!
The last month is indeed a blur. Follow Caomhans visit with Comedy Festivals, impro show after impro show, parties celebrating the success of an impro show and chatting with a handsome man till sunrise, not to mention a day job that I keep waking up for and am actually taking pride in, well, my sleep debt just keeps getting bigger.
And my goofy grin just keeps getting bigger too.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Always a bridesmaid
In another world or time, I would be born a male, a shortish pug-ish man with a Frenchy sounding name. I would create an award winning cult comedy series set in an office and then go on to create and star in a series about being an extra. An extra that has a ridiculous agent.
Alas, I was born a female. A shortish pug-ish female. Who works in a office and has a secret life as a comedy performer/actor and a ridiculous agent. Pity Ricky is just that much more talented than me. And has a penis. I am sure thats the only difference.
The call went like this:
"OK, I have an audition for you. I am not sure what its for. I forgot to write down the name of the company. Anyway, its tomorrow. The role of a bridesmaid. Oh, you're still overweight aren't you? Because its for a fat bridesmaid."
My confidence is sky-high. Self esteem through the roof.
I go for the audition. I am in a room with four other females of various size, shapes and colours. Its clear they are going for the "real people" look.
They ask us to improvise a scene in a womens rest room where we are all gossiping about the wedding we are in attedance of. This should be a piece of cake. Except its an audition and the rules of performance have gone out the window. We have two minutes to try to stay afloat as a crazy woman steamrolls the scene with a tyrant about an illicit affair with the groom and how she is going to ruin the honeymoon. Its all I can do not to abandon the scene, but then I definitely will not be in the running for role of toilet extra.
All this to sell a phone.
"Yep, still a fatty".
Alas, I was born a female. A shortish pug-ish female. Who works in a office and has a secret life as a comedy performer/actor and a ridiculous agent. Pity Ricky is just that much more talented than me. And has a penis. I am sure thats the only difference.
The call went like this:
"OK, I have an audition for you. I am not sure what its for. I forgot to write down the name of the company. Anyway, its tomorrow. The role of a bridesmaid. Oh, you're still overweight aren't you? Because its for a fat bridesmaid."
My confidence is sky-high. Self esteem through the roof.
I go for the audition. I am in a room with four other females of various size, shapes and colours. Its clear they are going for the "real people" look.
They ask us to improvise a scene in a womens rest room where we are all gossiping about the wedding we are in attedance of. This should be a piece of cake. Except its an audition and the rules of performance have gone out the window. We have two minutes to try to stay afloat as a crazy woman steamrolls the scene with a tyrant about an illicit affair with the groom and how she is going to ruin the honeymoon. Its all I can do not to abandon the scene, but then I definitely will not be in the running for role of toilet extra.
All this to sell a phone.
"Yep, still a fatty".
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